It's 8:23 am on a Tuesday morning. My dog is fast asleep in my studio on her bed, I have a really lovely handmade candle lit that my partner got me for Christmas and it's just starting to get light outside. It's cloudy again today, we had a few sunny days in the last week but it's been mostly cloudy and I can tell it affect my energy.
I've been working on a series of studies lately, over the last few years I just really felt a longing for something more in my work life. I began spending so much time on client projects, packing orders, sending emails and it became off-balanced with my art practice. It's scary to change, but I didn't start my art business to be busy and stressed out, I started it to spend my life doing something I love. So is it worth the fear that comes with change? I think so.
Sometimes in life I've felt these little callings, pulls toward something. Every time I listen to them it guides me in a new direction that works out for the better. I can't say for sure that spending my time this year developing my painting skills in new mediums is a good idea but it just feels right, and that's enough for me.
I feel I have to address something here, I would never put myself in a situation where I am not making smart financial decisions. I am lucky and feel very grateful that my art print business is enough to support me while I go through this artistic change. I continue to balance both (spending 50% of my time on my studies and 50% on my print shop), this way I don't feel stressed or like I'm taking a huge leap of faith. Baby steps are the best way to move forward in my opinion.
I turned 28 this year, and I don't know if it's related to that, or to burnout and exhaustion but I deleted instagram off my phone late in 2022 and I haven't looked back since. Did you know you can post and engage just as easily on your desktop? These days, I check instagram once a day to once every two days and I feel that I have so much more time and energy for other things in my life. You don't realize the kind of peace and quiet you're missing until it's not at your fingertips, you know what I mean?
Anyway, my studies have been going... okay. It's hard for me to embrace the slow progress. As someone who nearly mastered the art of gouache and watercolour, coming back to being a beginner with acrylic and oil paints is tough. I forgot what it's like to not be able to make something look the way I want it to, and that's quite refreshing. I'm a student all over again, finding my way in this crazy world. I've been painting simple things, sunflowers, oranges, pears, yesterday I tried to paint a vase with flowers and that did not turn out well!
Learning to be patient is a good practice for me. I've been so busy and moving so quickly over the last few years that it feels really good to actually be bored at times, or to embrace the fact that I can't master something overnight. I'm also really enjoying having so much time to read, write and walk my dog now that I'm not wasting so much time on Instagram, instead of turning to my phone when I need a distraction, I open an art book (I've been loving this book by Patti Mollica and this book by Carole Marine).
Even though I feel far from where I want to be with painting, I'm learning so much, and day by day I learn a little more. It makes me excited to get out of bed in the morning.
I look forward to sharing more with you as I go. Be well, and stay creative!
Xx
Sabina